My Thoughts On…

alyssonWelcome!  OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: I’m outspoken, snarky & often profane.  I say what’s on my mind – like it or not.  People seem to think I’m funny.  Who am I to argue with the divine wisdom of strangers and 5,500 or so Twitter followers?

If you offend easily or tend to believe that women should sit down, shut up and “act like ladies”…well, you’re about to force down a flaming shot of unwelcome reality.  Think Roseanne Barr, Kathy Griffin and Chelsea Handler – without the big bank accounts. You’ve…been…WARNED!

The Philosophical CliffsNotes

First, let’s clear something up. It is “CliffsNotes”. Prior to that, it was “Cliffs Notes”. And prior to that, it was “Cliff’s Notes”. It is not now, nor has it ever been, “Cliff Notes” or “CliffNotes”. Never. Capisci?

Now that we’ve got that straight, here ya go:
  • No matter how much scripture you can recite or how much you tithe, if you prey on ignorance & misery and profit from war & destruction, you are an absolute horror of a human being.
  • Malice breeds malice. Empathy breeds empathy. You’re destined to be the victim of one or the beneficiary of the other.
  • Killing a man will never kill the idea, nor will perpetual crusades of violence motivated by religious ideology or grandiose delusions of doing “God’s work”.
  • The modern Congressional agenda only benefits the wealthiest 2%-5% of Americans & large corporations – not the average American.
  • Fossils were not planted here by “Satan” in order to trick people or test their faith in “God”. Carbon dating is science. Organized religion is folklore.
  • An individual’s existence as a spiritual being does not carry with it a mandatory belief in any omnipotent, omnipresent deity.

You seriously want to know more? If you say so…go extinguish your fire of curiosity.

My Professional Life

These days I earn my living building search engine and user friendly small business websites & blogs using the WordPress platform.  If it’s good enough for CNN, Mashable, The New York Times, Stephen Colbert, MIT, Reuters and many others, it’s good enough for me – and, more importantly, my clients!  I also help small business owners with their Internet marketing efforts – like SEO (search engine optimization), ORM (online reputation management), SMM (social media marketing) and online branding.  If you’re a small business owner in need of some help, please check out my search marketing alter ego at SEOAly.

Throughout my career I have had the opportunity to develop a wide variety of skills working for the largest companies in their respective industries – Prestige Portraits (the Senior Portrait division of Lifetouch), ServiceMaster and (formerly Website Pros).  From my experiences as a national portrait excellence award-winning photographer to a manager in a $6+ million lawn care branch, each position provided unique insight into how big businesses operate.  I am now able to use that knowledge to help small businesses operate more efficiently and be more successful.