Desperation Time and 19 Miles Past Screwed

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UPDATE:  Your outpouring of encouragement has been absolutely overwhelming. That said, several people told me I should have swallowed my pride and put a PayPal “Donate” button on this post.  And while I appreciated their desire to help, I never wanted it to seem as though I was being virtual panhandler.  After being told to stop being a stubborn jackass and just accept the help that was being offered, I realized they were right…so here it is:  My Guardian Angels. No matter how hopeless things seem, I am grateful for the true friends I’ve made and understand that wealth isn’t measured in dollars & cents alone.

UPDATE #2:  Thanks to you guys, as of 5:00 pm on 02/10 I am $355 closer to being able to avert disaster and avoid a complete meltdown.  You guys are awesomesauce.  I can’t thank you enough…

UPDATE #3: As of 8:30 pm on 02/10, a total of $765 has been donated. I am that much closer to a light at the end of the tunnel. There are no words…no words.

In October 2009 I published a post sharing my struggles with MS throughout the preceding weeks and months.  To make a long story short, in August I suffered a relapse that had me nearly incapacitated.  Since then the bottom line for me is that even if I were able to dumb down my resume and myself enough to appear qualified for the jobs I’ve been deemed over-qualified for, I can’t physically perform the day-to-day tasks of those jobs.

I can’t physically stand on my feet flipping burgers for 8-10 hours a day.  I can’t plant myself in front of a cash register at Wal-Mart hour after hour after hour.  I can no longer handle the physical demands, nor rely on my vision, in order to photograph in a studio for 40+ hours a week. I can’t even sit in a cubicle in front of a computer making or taking 40-50 phone calls for hours on end in a call center anymore.

My body has betrayed me and I’m no longer physically able to do what I’ve always been able to do.  I feel much better now than I did back in October.  I can function almost normally and complete my freelance work on schedule, but I can’t physically perform at the productivity levels required to work a front-line job in fast food, retail stores or corporate call centers – which are the only positions anyone is hiring for these days.

I tell you this not for sympathy or pity, but just to vent my frustration – and share my fear – over what is about to happen next.  I’m not unlike millions of other Americans right now and I’m afraid.  I’m currently in Indiana, staying with my mom in her one-bedroom apartment, where I’ve been since December 30th.  I adore my mom and I love spending time with her.  I wish I could come home to visit more often, but I know she likes having time to herself and her own space.  As I do.  But I’m still here, at least partially, because I can’t afford to return to Jacksonville at the moment.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming…

When my friend left for Venezuela back in 2007, she was worried about what to do with her car.  She purchased the car from CarMax and she wasn’t sure what to do since she would be leaving the country, unsure when or if she would return.  I had been considering getting a new car for some time, so I offered to just take over the payments on her car.  Had she come back a few months later and wanted the car back, the option was there.  That scenario was no different than if I had leased a vehicle, so I was happy to do it.

She ultimately got married in Venezuela and, for joy, got pregnant.  YEAH!  Awesome news and I was thrilled for her.  Unfortunately her tourist Visa expired and she was forced to return to the United States, pregnant and without her husband.  At that point we decided I would just keep the car, as not having to make that payment every month was certainly a load off her mind in an already precarious financial situation.  Considering the costs involved with getting her husband legally emigrated here to the United States, I was glad to help take some of the financial load off her mind.  It was a win for her.  It was a win for me.  I love being a part of a solution where no one loses.

We wrote up a contract stating that I would continue making the payments through the end of the term of the loan and that once paid off, she would relinquish legal ownership and sign the title over to me.  The reason we elected to do that is because CarMax refused to refinance the loan, or even add my name to it.  Rather than just giving the car back to CarMax and having that reflect badly on her credit, we decided to just handle it between us.

At the time I was gainfully employed and it never entered my mind that my financial situation would change with such significance that making a monthly car payment would be a challenge.  I had never been without a job or steady paycheck since I was 17 years old.  What reason did I have to believe that would change?

Fast Forward To December 2008

As I sit here in tears writing this post, I’m trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.  As many of you may know, I lost my job in December 2008.  Since then I’ve been offering SEO and website design services on a freelance basis as “SEOAly” – my search marketing alter ego.  I’ve applied for jobs in Jacksonville, but much to my dismay and frustration, I’ve been turned down time and time again, being told, “…unfortunately you’re over-qualified for the positions currently available, but we will keep your resume on file for 6 months and contact you if any other positions become available…”.

Um, okay…thanks – I guess I’ll keep struggling to keep my head above water doing freelance work.  And I have, for the most part.  My friend, though, hasn’t been as lucky.  When she was forced to come back to the states because her Visa expired, she came back intent upon finding a job.  She applied for every open position she could find and, like me, was turned away because she was “over-qualified” for the open positions.  Like millions of other Americans, she was forced to survive by using credit cards to pay for necessities like rent, electricity and food.

As her due date grew closer and it became clear that her husband’s application to emigrate to the United States would not be processed before she had the baby, she made the painful decision to leave her home nation and go back to Venezuela – so he wouldn’t miss out on his son’s birth or the first months of his life.  It was a selfless and noble decision made out of love.  So, she left…not knowing how long it would be before she could return and when, or even if, her husband’s Visa application would approved.  Equally noble was her husband’s refusal to move to the United States illegally.

One Person’s Light Is Another’s Darkness

Finally, and thankfully, several months after their son was born, her husband’s Visa application was approved and they returned, as a family, to the United States.  For joy!  Unfortunately she found herself drowning in a sea of debt, again unable to find a job, and now saddled with the financial responsibility of caring for an entire family, rather than just herself.  The weight of debt was just too much and she couldn’t dig herself out of the financial hole she was in.  She found herself in a position where she had only one option and she begrudgingly filed for bankruptcy in September 2009.

The car was still her financial responsibility, from a legal standpoint.  While I had been making the payments since December 2007, the loan was still in her name and that debt would have to be addressed during the bankruptcy filing process.  She informed the trustee of the situation and was told that our contract would prevent CarMax from taking the car.  My understanding of what she was told was that the debt would be included in the bankruptcy and discharged from her name , but that the debt would automatically default to me based on our contract – so I could continue making the payments as I had been.

I didn’t understand how that was possible, since I wasn’t included in any way as a part of the contract between my friend and CarMax.  Thus, I consulted with an attorney and my suspicions were confirmed – since the car loan would be discharged from her name in the bankruptcy, CarMax would expect that the car be returned, because from their perspective at that point no one was legally responsible for the balance of the loan…even if I continued making payments and kept the account current.

I was advised that continuing to make payments from that point forward would be foolish, as CarMax would retake possession of the car once the remaining balance was discharged when the bankruptcy was final.  The attorney told me that CarMax might be more willing to negotiate with me to keep the car once the debt was discharged from her name, despite the fact that they were unwilling to even consider refinancing the car or adding my name to the loan when we asked them to do so previously.

He suggested that I should communicate directly with CarMax once the bankruptcy had been discharged, but that continuing to make payments was the equivalent of simply lighting fire to that money or throwing it down the toilet – because should CarMax not be willing to negotiate with me to keep the car, the payments I made between the time that the bankruptcy was filed and the time the car was returned would simply be gone.  Sure, I had the option to sue my friend for declaring bankruptcy and thus breaking our contract, but I’d never do that – NEVER.

Now, I’m Up Shit Creek Without A Paddle

So rather than continuing to make payments on a car that CarMax would undoubtedly expect to be returned, I stopped making payments.  I decided to wait to negotiate directly with CarMax once the bankruptcy was discharged and my friend was contacted about returning the car.  Unfortunately, as it turns out, her car loan was never included in the bankruptcy.  WHAT??  Yeah, that’s what I said.  Whether I didn’t understand what she was saying properly or she didn’t explain the situation properly from the start doesn’t really matter at this point.  The only thing that matters is that she got a call today from a repo man trying to find the car.

Now, on top of having a bankruptcy included in her credit history, because the car loan wasn’t included in the bankruptcy the risk now exists that there will be a repossession on her credit history, as well.  Not only that, if I don’t fork over the $1,600 that is past due on the account, the car will be repossessed, sold at auction and she will STILL be legally responsible for the difference between what is owed on the loan and what the car sells for at auction – which will certainly be far less than what is owed, because even the full retail resale value of the car is less than the balance on the loan.  Up shit creek without a paddle is a massive understatement.  MASSIVE.

I don’t have $1,600.  I don’t know where I’m going to find $1,600.  What I do know is that I have to.  I have to.  She is my friend.  We entered into this agreement in good faith, each without a clue of the financial disasters that awaited us both.  I never imagined this would be my life.  How is it possible that everything that was going right 18 months ago has now gone horribly, horribly wrong?  I can’t lose my friend and my car in one fell swoop.  I just can’t.  All suggestions and recommendations are welcome.  Please…tell me what to do.