Discrimination Is Alive And Well

December 14, 2009

Last week I shared a favorite scene from what I believe to be one of the great television dramas of all time, The West Wing.

That video clip prompted a debate between myself and two of my all-time favorite people, Michelle Robbins and Susan Esparza, both of whom now likely believe I’d have been an atrocious women’s rights activist. They’re probably correct. I like my bra. I need my bra. I wouldn’t have burned it. :)

I hope that by the end of our conversation both they and those sitting on the sidelines, popcorn in hand, realize that I wasn’t claiming that discrimination doesn’t exist. Rather, my belief is that legislation may make it illegal to discriminate against anyone based on gender, race, creed, religion, sexual orientation or the like, but the legislation itself does nothing to change the minds of those whose prejudice make discrimination a reality. Discrimination is alive and well. Laws against it don’t address the core issue.

Today Michelle shared with me a post from “James Chartrand”, a regular contributor to Brian Clark’s Copyblogger, titled, “Why James Chartrand Wears Women’s Underpants“. It is a wonderfully written and thought-provoking article that illustrates the reality of discrimination and serves as a real-world case study into the sociological differences between one’s experience as a man vs. one’s experience as a woman.

There ARE differences between the way men are treated and the way women are treated. It is infuriating and mind-boggling in today’s world, and yet it is true nonetheless. Regardless of our progress toward real equality for all human beings, we still have a long way to go. No one can dispute that women are required to put forth more effort, pay more dues and put up with far more bullshit in the workplace in order to earn the same level of respect that is seemingly handed to a man the moment he walks in the door. As despicable as that may be and despite all of the progress that has been made over the years, that is still our reality as women.

That brings me back to the recent article by “James Chartrand”. I completely understand why a woman would choose that path. Doing so gave her the opportunity to circumvent all the nonsense that comes from having to “prove your worth” simply because your contributions are devalued by default as a result of having been born with a uterus. There is no doubt in my mind that every word of that article is true and that her experience doing business as “James” has been far less frustrating than it would have been as “Donna”, “Julie” or “Ann”. That’s the world we live in.

On the other hand, I think there’s more to it than gender discrimination alone. Most women, from the day they’re born, are trained to give in, to concede or to defer authority. They’re taught to sacrifice their individual needs in favor of a “greater good”; to put aside their personal goals and aspirations for the betterment of “the team” – whether that team exists in the workplace or the household; and to do whatever needs to be done until someone tells them the job has been completed satisfactorily. Women keep going until the job is done right because we feel compelled to prove “anything you can do, I can do better.”

One paragraph from the aforementioned post really stood out:

There was no haggling. There were compliments, there was respect. Clients hired me quickly, and when they received their work, they liked it just as quickly. There were fewer requests for revisions — often none at all.

That statement made me ponder the fundamental cause for that shift in her experience. Was it because her writing was more compelling under her male pen name? Certainly not. It was the perception by her clients that they were dealing with a man. Men are taught to command respect; to dismiss criticism; and to complete a task to their individual satisfaction, content and proud of a job well done – then they’re taught to walk away confident that they have accomplished what was expected of them. That is not what women are taught. That is not typically what is expected of women. Women tend not to believe a job is done well until there is an overall consensus confirming it.

So, why were there fewer requests for revisions? It clearly had nothing to do with the quality of work. When clients believed they were dealing with a man, subconsciously they understood that a request for a revision would likely be met with disdain and quite possibly denied. Particularly if the client was a man, he would feel as though a request for a revision would be perceived as an insult or lack of respect. To request revisions of a woman would carry no such negative connotations. A woman would, more often than not, complete revision after revision in an attempt to make the client happy and receive the proverbial pat on the back.

Many women question their own worth, which creates within a business relationship the opportunity for others to question their worth, as well. Many women don’t get the same respect as men, in part, because they don’t demand it. They don’t demand it because somewhere deep down and despite all evidence to the contrary, they’re not sure they are worthy of it. This certainly isn’t true of all women, but I believe that’s a common trait of women who spend their lives frustrated by feelings of inferiority and gender discrimination.

While I understand the appeal of using a male pen name, I contend that doing so only perpetuates the notion that women are inferior. Rather than being a glowing argument in favor of gender equality, this intelligent, capable and talented woman is perceived by the world as yet another member of the “Men Are Awesome and Women Will Never Measure Up Club”. Until there is enough evidence to disprove a stereotype, the stereotype will continue to exist. To refute the basis of prejudice, there must be an abundance of examples that stand in contrast to what that prejudice is based on.

That said, none of us are obligated to pick up a torch and champion a cause – woman or otherwise. ”James Chartrand” has clearly found an approach to business that works for her. It allows her to create the lifestyle she desires for her family. It provides the opportunity to have her work well-received and judged based on its merit, rather than having it devalued because of her gender. I applaud her ability to find a solution that works for her and for creating an alternative reality where the truth about her gender is a moot point.

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Posted by Alysson | Filed Under Rants & Raves

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4 Responses to “Discrimination Is Alive And Well”

Michelle Robbins on December 17th, 2009 11:48 pm

Hi Alysson – sorry it’s taken me a few days to get back to this. I re-launched one of our sites on Wed, and woke to find another of our sites hacked today. Good times. So I’ve been busy.

But essentially, I think we’re seeing this problem from very different angles. As well as the solution – though we both seem to agree there is in fact a problem, so that’s something! We also both agree that legislation is not the answer. As i said on twitter, over and over again. I’m a libertarian – I think we have far too many laws as it is. And I agree with you that we shouldn’t have to make it a law for people to do what should come naturally – treat everyone equally.

Where we disagree is on how to effect the change needed – so that eventually, people will be (more or less) treated equally – without regard to race, gender, sexual preference, etc. You seem to think that it is the responsibility of women to change the way they are viewed by men (and other women I’d add into this), not through political activism (quoting you here: http://twitter.com/Alysson/status/6544884417), but just by “setting a good example” (paraphrasing you from above). I think that’s novel. And wonder if the gay community has considered that, if only there were an abundance of examples that stood in contrast to what those that would deprive them of their civil liberties believe to be gay characteristics – if only there were more of them behaving in contrast to the stereotypes – they could live freely and not in fear of discrimination and harassment. You might ping them on it.

Kind of insulting, right? But that’s what you’re saying above. You’re saying that “prejudice exists, and women perpetuate/inflame the problem because they’re a low-self-esteem lot – if they’d just stop acting that way, and act this way instead – they’d get a fair shake.” I wonder what Dr. King would have made of that argument.

That’s not how prejudice and bias work. It’s much more subtle, much more insidious, and has reinforcements throughout the culture – completely independent of any given woman’s – or group of women’s – behavior.

Luckily, there are women who are not content to keep shuffling along hoping for change – and these groups have been fierce and vocal opponents of the particular brand of prejudice women encounter – for a century now – often at great cost to their personal and professional lives. And thank heaven. Thank goodness there are and were women strong enough, smart enough, and fearless enough to stand up and speak out – much like the civil rights activists, and now gay rights activists. Because it’s the standing up, and speaking out that starts to move the needle in the way people think and behave. It’s the conversations, debates, protests, boycotts that start to turn the tide. And I for one will never shrink from lending my voice and my actions to that cause. Or the gay rights cause, or the ongoing race based discrimination in this country. They’re all the same – just different pieces of the the same problem. Where would the black community be without the civil rights movement? Where would the gay community be without the Stonewall incident? Where would you be without the feminist movement?

[Reply]
Alysson Reply:
December 18th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
No need to apologize, Michelle. I totally understand.

I understand and respect your perspective. It is not a simple issue and there is no simple solution. I’m not claiming that it is as simple as women being examples that stand in contrast to the stereotypes, but I do believe that is an important step in the overall process of illustrating that equality isn’t just something to demand and legislate – it is something that should exist without question, like our ability as human beings to wander freely and breathe in the air. Until all women truly believe that, a lack of equality will always be an issue. As long as beauty pageants, strip clubs and brothels exist, women will continue to fight to be seen as equal – both in society and in the workplace. There is no “Mr. America” and that’s no accident.

I am not saying that “prejudice exists, and women perpetuate/inflame the problem because they’re a low-self-esteem lot – if they’d just stop acting that way, and act this way instead – they’d get a fair shake.” I’m not a fool and the solution isn’t merely to “act a different way.” The solution lies within women, each and every one of us, to actually BELIEVE that we are equal. Yes – boycotts and protests do shed light issues that exist. It plants a seed in the minds of those who hold such prejudice that there are intelligent, rational, reasonable women in the world who are equal to men in every measurable way. Nevertheless, when those prejudiced individuals are surrounded day and in day out with women whose lack of self-worth, absence of any semblance of self-esteem and complete lack of self-respect confirm every single stereotype that illustrates a woman’s inferiority, which “version” of women will they continue believing is true?

If a racist lives within an inner city area surrounded by gangs, crime, violence, etc. and all he sees are black kids shooting each other, robbing people and walking around looking & acting like thugs, what argument against being racist or protest movement will change his mind? Seeing President Obama isn’t going to change his mind. His racism is based on what surrounds him every day. If, on the other hand, what he saw were black kids strolling down the street on their way home from school, carrying book bags and helping old ladies into the house with their groceries, the examples he uses to justify his racism would be gone. The civil rights movement and associated protests didn’t rid the nation of racism.

It isn’t that I don’t believe there is a battle to fight. I simply choose to fight it in a different way. Organized protest movements may change legislation, but they don’t change minds. Those who possess such prejudice against any group, be it based on race, gender or sexual orientation, aren’t swayed by loud masses and they don’t care about their message. They are, however, a showcase for prejudiced individuals to point at and say, “See…look at THEM. THEY aren’t like US at all. We ARE right to feel the way we do.” Protests do shed light on issues, but perpetual protests provide an opportunity to keep those who are fighting separate from the whole. Separate can never be equal. It is yet another way to highlight our differences, rather than concentrating on what we all have in common.

I’m reminded of a scene from “Milk” in which Harvey demands that everyone come out to their friends and family. Doing that changed the face of the gay rights movement on a granular level. While some undoubtedly lost loved ones, others took the fight to the heart of the prejudice and won. He understood that in order to change the way people view homosexuals, people had to understand that “the gay” is everywhere – it isn’t something that lurks outside their happy families, something that “happens” to broken or damaged or morally depraved people. It helped to educate the ignorant by proving that gays are not “those people” – they’re “YOUR people”. They’re the people you’ve loved all their lives. They’re the people who work with you, for you and among you everyday. They’re the people you go to lunch with. They’re the people you shop with. They’re the people you vacation with, barbecue with and play on a company softball team with.

I understand and appreciate the sacrifices of the movements that have come before me, but we’re not fighting the same battle that those before us were fighting. Legislation has accomplished all it can accomplish. The war must become more granular. It’s about what people see and experience every day. Women won’t be treated equally by screaming, “I AM EQUAL, DAMNIT!” Nor will they be treated equally by continuing to be marginalized into a special subgroup of society that is in need of special treatment or protection under the law.

I protest the notion of inequality by standing in stark contrast to the evidence used to support it. The same article 14 that protects a man’s rights does, in fact, offer me and every other citizen of this nation the same protection under the law. The rest is up to me, as an individual, to destroy the idea of inequality on a daily basis with my actions, my conversations and my accomplishments. I choose to wage a war on inequality as an individual. Where would we all be if there was more than an organized group protest movement working to effect change? What if we fought as individuals to change the prejudice that exists within our individual environments?

[Reply]
Michelle Robbins on December 18th, 2009 3:02 pm

Again, I think we’re saying the same thing. I’m just not blaming women for the sexism practiced by men and other women. Just like I don’t blame the inner city kids for the racism practiced by others. And I don’t blame gay men and women for homophobia. Racism, sexism, homophobia doesn’t exist *because* gangs, strip clubs and bathhouses exist. Discrimination has been with us much longer than those things have.

Also, I agree – it is up to *every individual* to stand up for themselves, their rights, etc. but to deny the power of activism to actually make substantive change is to strip leaders of those movements – like Dr. King, Harvey Milk, and even as far back as Eleanor Roosevelt, as well as all of the people that *participated* – of the very real and important contributions they made to further actual change. Substantive change *requires* intervention and activism (see various & assorted revolutions – French, American, etc. for more evidence in this regard).

I’d love to be wrong. I’d love to think that people could just do the right thing, and I’d love for you to show me a case where your method (people just being people) has resulted in actual change for a given group or population.

Also, I’d strongly recommend the book, and the *activist movement* Half the Sky – http://www.halftheskymovement.org/

[Reply]
Alysson Reply:
December 18th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
I certainly don’t intend to discount the contributions of activists or deny the power of activism to contribute to substantive change. We have reached a point in our societal evolution in large part because of activist leaders like Dr. King, Harvey Milk, Eleanor Roosevelt and every individual who devoted their time and risked their lives to give such movements a voice and a face. Those were battles against the powers that be. Those movements waged a war on the status quo and the government’s legislative support of that status quo of inequality among our nation’s population. We would not be where we are now without them and my point of view in no way minimizes, disrespects or diminishes the fact that had those movements never existed we would not be where we are today. Without them you and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to debate such issues publicly.

Like I said before, I simply believe the battleground has changed and our strategy must change along with it. The fight has evolved into something that traditional activism can no longer appropriately address. Waging a war against terrorism using the same rules of engagement and tactics that were used during the Revolutionary War would guarantee defeat. Using the same approach to activism today that has been used in decades past will not bring about the desired progress toward true equality.

You’re absolutely right – inner city kids are not to blame for racism, women are not to blame for sexism and gay people are not to blame for homophobia. Strip clubs, gangs and brothels aren’t to blame. They are a symptom of inequality, not the source of it. Every member of a minority group does, however, bear some responsibility for shattering the stereotypes that support discrimination of all kinds. As long as those stereotypes exist, so will the discrimination borne out of the xenophobia that is common to those for whom prejudice is a part of their core belief system. Stereotypes aren’t an invention of those with prejudice. Stereotypes are a reality that racists, sexists, homophobes and xenophobes use to justify their prejudice.

I am an example of where “my method” has resulted in actual change. From my first day of training as a photographer, hearing a veteran trainer say, “She’ll never make it. This is no place for girls…” to being the only “girl” on the sales floor, I’ve proven sexists wrong. I carried more equipment than they did. I set my equipment up faster than they did. I worked more hours. I did more sittings. I had higher shot averages, order averages and order participation. I was given my own studio while they were still lugging equipment around from school to school. My name was at the top of the sales revenue board. I was promoted faster than they were. I told them what to do and I fired those who refused to respect my authority. I fought with other managers who devalued my opinion because of my gender. I demanded, and eventually earned, the respect of many men who previously believed women to be lesser. My actions changed the way those men perceived a woman’s worth – something decades of activism had never been able to accomplish.

I will definitely check out the book you recommended. I’m not closed-minded and I don’t believe that my perspective is right while others’ is wrong. There is no one answer to such a complex problem.

[Reply]

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Discrimination Is Alive And Well

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